at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
