its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
