I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
