mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
