the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize