Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
