We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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