a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
