She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
