I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
