i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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