one might say we're banned from that church
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
