FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
