Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize