everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
