My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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