Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
