I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
