put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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