Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
