youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
