I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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