There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
