Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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