I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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