I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
