the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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