dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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