I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fuck appropriateness.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
