Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
