I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
