Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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