Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
