Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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