Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
