awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
