new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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