My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
