i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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