I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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