my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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