I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
