Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
