Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I want to fling myself into the sun
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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