This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
