I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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