Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
