It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Will you blow on my dice?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
