is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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