Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
