I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
