Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
