before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
that's an acceptable place to lick
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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