i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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