She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
