i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
