we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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