Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
