We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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