my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
