Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
