I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
