Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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