You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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