my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
