you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize