i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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