awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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