My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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