I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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